It's getting better every day, better, better, better...

We left Pittsburgh, drove for 7 1/2 hours and are now in Waterbury, CT. Heading home, sweet home, my beloved New England. I hope some one out there Googles Chondrosarcoma and finds me....I have so much to learn but want to be a guide. I know when they told me they thought I had Chondrosarcoma I was devastated to say the least. I am very hopeful right now. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most malignant, my biopsy came back as a 1-2. I am so blessed. My doctor, Daniel Prevedello, thinks he got 100% of what he could see with his eyes. He said it was a landmark surgery, they did things in my skull they had never done before because of the location of my tumor. He thinks it is over 2 1/2 years old....What was I doing then? Seems so strange to think of my life like that, my body growing a tumor. There will always be some cells left behind so I am going to get Proton Beam (sounds like a comic book ZAP, POW) radiation to hopefully kill the rest of the cells. So far they only have 10 years of data on regrowth and with radiation it looks good. I am hopeful.

On side note, my wonderful dog Roosevelt died two years ago this April of a similar tumor in his skull that eroded his skull and also grew a polyp type tumor. We kept him going for a year and he couldn't make it, the pain was too much.

If you Google and find me, I went to the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center in Oakland, Pittsburgh, PA. I had surgery on Monday and was released from the hospital 2 days later. I was released from their care 8 days later. They have it dialed in there and have done over 1200 extended endonasal surgeries. Google them, send them an email, write to me at this blog.

I have to thank all of my dear friends and family for praying for me, for thinking of me, for worrying, for loving me. I love you all. My life is so rich, so full and I am so thankful. My life begins anew....Peace.

So, this is the beginning, who would have thunk it?

I said let's start at the beginning and this week has been a new beginning. I am four days out from my skull/brain surgery. I cannot believe I am typing this about me. Today was the first time since I started this journey that it actually hit me, I just had major surgery inside my skull. I cannot believe how lucky I am, a few years ago and this would not be my story.

I am feeling very weak and vulnerable right this minute, I have been blessed with a deep calm that helped me march through this week but tonight I guess I am suffering from minor post traumatic stress, it was me. I was so blessed to have been led to the Univ. of Pittsburgh Medical Center to have this endonasal surgery to remove what they think was a chondrosarchoma. Of the two scary things that it could be that would actually be the lesser of the two, go figure.

So tonight I am reaching deep down to find the strength, I keep turning back to the light, breathing in the light and letting go of the fear. That was how I made it here, that is how I will continue on this journey. I am surrounded by love, by so many blessings and facing all the possibilities has been a major component of my strength but because I can't cry now (because of all of the nasal packing) I find myself stifled, half crying. Man is it hard to half cry, half chortle in a face bandage with a headache. I just swallow some ice cold water (one of the greatest gifts in life) and dig in the hotel fridge for more chocolate, more important than the vicodin. I don't want to be like Debbie Downer, whah whah whau. I have actually been shedding that persona for the new and improved girl power version of Farm Girl "with a mission". My summer time super hero costume is so much cuter than my winter time beat up, stained, once cream colored parka that has a major stupid rip and pockets full of straw and broken eggs (that is so pathetic but fitting) and jeans and giant boots. I would rather freeze in the New Hampshire air than squeeze into layers of long johns and jeans so I usually do my chores quickly. That is the new me, haven't had a hair cut since July, chapped lips and now a big bandage on my nose. Oh well, so grateful for the nose.

Love my friends and family more than I can say. This has become my new journal, I must remember to use the spell check too. I have moments when I feel so deep and poetic and many more when I feel silly and unintelligible and the oh so frequent, who really cares....but I do care. I care deeply.

Thank you and YES!