Sunday, October 10, 2010

A new season...

A self-portrait from four years ago when my little boy was only 6!

I had a big medical scare at the end of September. My life was once again clearly brought into focus. My love, my energy, my fear, my joie de vivre. Every breath is such a wonderful gift... It is all just a heart beat away, moment to moment. I definitely have MS, new lesions, but no loss of neurological function, this time, thankfully. The cancer is still stable, no new growth according to our expert Dr. Liebsch. The radiologist here thought differently but we trust our guy. Exhale, deep sigh, I have been sleeping through the night these last few days....

It is so funny how just last week I looked at my reflection in the mirror and felt so much compassion. Compassion for the girl that still had so much life that she wanted to lead. I am not clinging, I am not suffering but I am a mother of a young boy.
I wasn't terrified, I was sad. I was so capable of being present in my stress this time, watching it manifest itself in my body, feeling it arise and take hold of me. Because I was able to witness this amazing response to the news that IT might be back I was able to calm myself, comfort myself, embrace myself. I was very present in my thoughts, very connected to my body. I felt strong and accepting and then...

Dr. Liebsch called, he felt the radiologist was wrong about the cancer but I do have two new lesions. The thought of neurological demise and deterioration is not a happy thought but it so much easier to breathe through now that I have gone through this journey. I feel in control. My life is what I want to lead, not my fear. I am so busy living and being that I don't want to cling to the "what if's" any longer. Peace is my quest.

I awaken happy, grateful and thinking about my day's work, not the alternative, not now.

The garden after a light frost, October 3rd.

The fall colors were a bit muted and quick this year. We had an extremely dry summer. The plants suffered, the trees struggled...

Lots of good nutrients for the garden, I just have to rake them all up and put them in the garden soil. So if you see bags of raked leaves that people leave out on the curb for the trash man, pick them up, free food for your garden, no work for you!

A "Mammoth" Sunflower from Seed Savers.
Four big heads filled two large jars! Not all of them ripened in time, oh well, we have enough for eating and next year's seeds. The rest are for the birds and the mice.

Happy Days! I hope yours are too...


  1. You are in my prayers, Ebby Puttence. I see you whole and well and dancing through this joyous life to a ripe old age. Love you!

  2. Thinking of you with love. Wishing you a peaceful heart. Well and dancing through this joyous life to a ripe old age. Yes. Yes! Love.

  3. how incredible you are to share this in such a profound and peace-filled way. blessings to you and your family. love + light. <3

  4. Thank you Kendra and Confections. To live a life of peace is my goal, love and friendship are the gifts that make my life so rich.

  5. Thank you Linda, dancing, loving life! Yes!

  6. Your garden is lovely, Ebby. Best of luck with your health, I like what you said, "Peace is my quest" You go girl, I think that's the useful approach :)...Amanda

  7. Thank you Amanda, for you vote of confidence. Thanks to all of the hearts that reach out, it is so wonderful to feel all of your loving energy out there. It is so healing and supportive. I feel so blessed on this journey...